Healing
All Wounds
www.healallwounds.com
A Guide
for Those Affected by the US Criminal Justice System
by
A
Reformed Man
Table of Contents
In Modern Times, Others
Have Gone Before You
If you're a family member reading this
The intended audience for this book is
anyone looking to turn their life around after going through part of the
criminal justice system.
The fact that you are reading this puts
you in the elite few who are trying to better themselves the right way.
The challenges before you may seem
insurmountable. I assure you; they are
not. Many others have gone before you,
including kings, presidents, Biblical figures, ministers, and many authors of
the Bible. Women and men alike have
thrown away the chains of bondage and began a new life of peace, righteousness,
and upright living. Remember that your
past is a tool equipped to aid you in this journey we call life.
You are a child of God, and your past is
something you have been through for the express purpose of fulfilling God's
calling for your life. You are about to
begin on an exciting journey, one designed specifically for you.
There will be tough times, including
blood, sweat, and tears. And yet, if you
keep the faith, you will overcome these things and arise triumphant. I welcome you to this challenge and hope to
act as a guide for you on this new stage in your life. You are always welcome to email the author at
webmaster@healallwounds.com.
Unfortunately, if you are reading this,
you probably have either been convicted or are out on bond. The sad reality is that many of these charges
could have been prevented with proper legal representation. If you ever find yourself in trouble again,
explain yourself politely to the police and then if things start to take a turn
for the worse say nothing more and ask to speak with an attorney. When you meet with your attorney, which can
take some time, explain your situation in full and do as they suggest. If you don't feel like your attorney has your
back, and they very well may not, fire them and find new council if possible. Not every attorney will fight for you. Do not make the mistake of thinking your
attorney will help you conceal a crime or do ANYTHING illegal. Your attorney is there to make sure the DA
doesn't give you six months in jail for jaywalking, not help you conceal a
crime. Do not discuss the details of
your case with anyone else. This is very
important.
If you are in jail, or things are looking that way and you've been charged, if you need things
to change, write your attorney a letter and mail it. Expect a week or two to get a response. Nothing in the criminal justice system moves
fast. Understand this and be patient. You can email your attorney, if possible. Be aware that police may be able to read your
emails. Not that you have anything to
hide.
This book is chocked full of
ideas for employment, education, housing, and other topics. When combined with a support system, you
should see results when using this book.
Feel free to email me, the author, at webmaster@healallwounds.com with
your tips and tricks as you see fit.
This book is a free service to help you
heal your wounds. You are welcome to make
copies and distribute it, but I ask that you give credit to me, the author, a reformed
man, for writing said book. I also ask
that you do not charge for any of the information in this book. If you are a counselor, you are welcome to
use this as a free teaching guide.
All of the
material is copyrighted, but you are free to share the link to this site, www.healallwounds.com. You can purchase a bound copy of this book on
Amazon for a nominal fee. The bound copy
is updated once a year.
You can have a copy of this book sent
directly to inmates from Amazon. You can
always email the owner of this site at webmaster@healallwounds.com. At this time, I wish
to remain anonymous but hope to open my own business in a few years. When that happens, I will come out into the
open. As you will find out, I do not
promote coming out publicly with your story unless it’s necessary. There is still stigma associated with being a
reformed man or woman.
Many people have turned their lives around
after being processed by the criminal justice system. Unfortunately, most do not share their story.
Even I, the author of this book, have
chosen to remain anonymous until I start my own business so that my employer
doesn’t catch any heat from their customers.
The reality is the shame associated with a conviction keeps most of the
reformed from sharing their story. If
you follow the guidelines in this book, you will have a story of redemption
yourself. When you don’t need your
specific job anymore, I highly encourage you to share your story with others,
perhaps even publicly.
Even when it looks like all hope is lost,
God is still with you. It’s important to
remember that if you take one step toward God, he will take two steps toward
you. Millions of people from every social
class understand and appreciate this simple statement.
For I know the plans I have for you,
declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you
hope and a future.- Jeremiah 29:11
Another verse worth remembering is: And
we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who
have been called according to his purpose.– Romans
8:28
Many other books on this subject try to
teach you to have the right attitude, buy don't address the HOW to rebuild your
life after the trauma you have been through.
This source is about HOW to rebuild your life and heal all your wounds.
You are probably wondering, how long will
take for this to work? The honest
reality is, it depends. If you are ending supervision from a
misdemeanor, it will take two years for things to settle back to normal. For
felonies, it takes about 4 years from the end of supervision. For sex offenders, it can take even
longer. If you are a sex offender, and
find this information useful, email me.
The good news is, if you read this book
and take it to heart, you should be able to see immediate improvements in about
2-3 months. There will be a slow but
steady progression back to normalcy and eventually successful living.
It’s sort of like cooking food in a
microwave vs a crock pot. The microwave
is faster, but the food from the crockpot tastes infinitely better. Embrace the crockpot. Ditch the TV dinner. Taking shortcuts to success only hurts you,
and no one else.
Good planning and hard work lead to
prosperity, but hasty shortcuts lead to poverty. - Proverbs 21:5
Furthermore, it isn’t good to be ignorant,
and whoever rushes into things misses the mark. - Proverbs 19:2
The sad reality is that for every source
like this one, there are ten criminal justice textbooks for law enforcement.
I’d like to get something out of the
way. The criminal justice system is a
business. The players in the game are
mostly good people. Like any business,
it has bad actors. The political left
says that the system is racist and evil.
That is not exactly correct. I’ve seen this from every angle. It is biased against poor people. Like any business, it needs customers. In order to be a
customer for the criminal justice system, you have to either have been charged
with a crime or convicted of a crime.
People with lots of money can post bail,
which lessens the damages that come their way.
They can also afford better legal representation, unfair as it may
be. Rich people also are less likely to
lose their home, their car, and even their family if they are touched by the
system. This is because they post bail
and have better attorneys.
The system ropes people into the system
and then after letting them go ropes them back in on "minor"
glitches. It's too easy to get in, and
too easy to get out. Little to no thought
is given to rehabilitation. It's
sad. Remember that law enforcement is an
industry, but that the individual players in the system are not out to get you.
The stats for the US criminal justice
system are abysmal. Inmates are subject
to all kinds of horrible violence, intimidation, and sexual assaults on almost
a daily basis. Gangs and hate groups are
common. To make matters worse, most
inmates will steal everything you have if given the chance.
Based on the recidivism rate, 76.6% within
5 years, there is a very legitimate question of whether the prison industrial
complex is working at all. Scandinavian
counties like Norway have a recidivism rate of around 20%. That is worth thinking about.
Things look bleak for the US system. Nevertheless, we are where we are. We the people created this mess by passing
laws and voting for elected officials.
We aren’t going to get through this mess overnight, but this book hopes
to make a dent in the issue sooner rather than later.
Now for the examples. If you are a Christian, you are probably
already familiar with three very successful reformed felons.
Before becoming a Christian, the Apostle
Paul persecuted Christians, killing many and spreading fear amongst the early
Church. He became an apostle and
traveled much of the known world at that time spreading the good news. He wrote one third of the New Testament. He was wrongfully imprisoned and executed by
the Romans but did incredible work in the interim.
Another famous felon was Moses. Moses killed an Egyptian in a burst of anger. He then ran from the law and wandered the
desert for 40 years, a typical prison sentence.
At the ripe age of 80, with his brother’s help, he returned to Egypt. He performed dozens of miracles showing God’s
glory to His people, and to the Egyptians as well. Pharoah released the Israelites after the
angle of death killed all the first-born Egyptians. Moses led the Jewish people out of slavery.
Moses parted the Red Sea which allowed the
Jewish people to cross over to the other side.
When pharaoh’s army started to cross the dry land, God used Moses to
collapse the sea and drown the entire Egyptian army in minutes.
That would be more than enough for most
people, but God wasn’t finished with Moses yet.
Moses then crated Mosaic law, the foundation of Jewish laws. He led the Jewish people to the border of the
promised land and died at the age of 120!
David, the second and most righteous king
of the Jewish people, killed his mistress’s husband when he got her
pregnant. He then began construction of
God’s temple, which his son finished. He
then authored the book of Psalms in the Bible.
To add to that, he united the 12 tribes of Israel under one flag. He is widely considered to be the greatest
king of the Jewish people.
The odds may seem against you, they are
not. Bush
43 was convicted of a DUI and became President. Dick Cheney was arrested twice
for DUIs and became Vice President. VP
Aaron Burr killed a man in a duel. What
happens is that people see you as an unknown risk. At first, some people will approach you with
interest. Most people will shy away from
you, especially if you have negative tattoos.
I, the author, am heavily tattooed. None of my ink is offensive, and I’ve never
gotten poor treatment due to it. That being said, I cannot over emphasize this: remove or
cover up gang tattoos or anything associated with hate. There is no place for that in a free society.
Believe it or not, people want to help
those who are seeking God’s worthy causes.
If you are part of a small group, please let them know what you are
going through. Get them to go to bat for
you. Ask them to pray for you.
God’s love is healing. How do you know if something is from
God? The answer is in scripture.
The blessing of the Lord, it maketh rich,
and He addeth no sorrow with it – Proverbs 10:22.
Once again, if you take one step toward
God, he will take two steps toward you.
For things to change, you must
change. It is important to keep an
attitude of gratitude. Always know this.
Faith is the foundation for everything
else. If you are not a Christian, I
invite you to tithe, contributing 10% of your paycheck for God’s worthy causes,
for 6 months. You will be amazed at the
blessings that pour into your life.
Please accept this challenge and see God’s plan begin to unfold in your
life.
God is the God of second, or third,
chances.
Then Peter came up and said to him, “Lord, how often will my
brother sin against me, and I forgive him? As many as seven times?” Jesus said
to him, “I do not say to you seven times, but seventy times seven. – Matthew
18:21-22
And never forget:
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and
only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have
eternal life. - John 3:16
Go to church once a week. Sunday is best, but Wednesday night will do
if that is your thing. In some areas,
church is offered on Friday and Saturday night.
That’s a great way to congregate as well. It is best you come in person. Many churches have streaming services, but
the best way is to go in person in order to benefit
from the fellowship of other believers.
Business casual attire is best for church
these days. I go to a conservative church,
and no one wears a suit, even the pastor.
If you don’t have any business casual clothing, fear not. Just go in whatever clothes you have that are
clean. We come to Jesus as we are. Fear not.
We are always a work in progress.
Each congregation is different. Do not become too attached to a particular
denomination (brand). Each church is unique in its own way.
You want to make sure you feel welcomed wherever you choose to go.
Ask
yourself this: is your church filled with people who inspire you to achieve
greater things and are glowing with the holy spirit? If not, it's time to
look for a new church. The congregation should be lively and
supportive. You should be able to call it home. Finding the right
church is the single most important thing you can do to recover your
life. Salvation is just a bonus.
Church may interfere with your work
schedule. If it does, without being
preachy, ask your boss if you can get time off to worship. They will most likely want to help.
Read your Bible. It’s a free app on your phone! Make it a point to read the Bible cover to
cover at least once. You will be blessed
for doing so. Although some people will
tell you to read 10 chapters a day, once you have read the good book cover to
cover, you only really need to read a daily devotional, which is a great way to
stay connected. A good devotional for
men is (https://beresolute.org/mdd/).
Tithing, putting 10% of your income to
God’s worthy causes, is key. Put 10% of
your paycheck toward God’s worthy causes.
God promises to bless us for tithing.
This is the only way we are allowed to test God.
“Bring the whole tithe into the
storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the Lord Almighty, “and see
if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so
much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it. I will prevent pests from devouring your
crops, and the vines in your fields will not drop their fruit before it is
ripe,” says the Lord Almighty. –
Malachi 3:10-11
Most of your tithe should go to support
your church’s work. Some of the rest can
go to charity.
This will exercise your faith muscle. Give God a six-month challenge and see what
happens in your life. You are going to
be amazed.
It is necessary to create a new life for
you and your family. When asked by
people, admit that you messed up. If you
aren’t guilty, just say you were convicted of something and that you are
reformed now. This approach is dangerous
and can backfire.
Admit that most of your friends, and even
some of your family, are not looking out for your best interest.
Do not hang out with people you do not
want to be like. If you are on
parole/probation, you are not allowed to associate with felons. This means you may have to give up a lot of
people.
If you aren’t sure about someone being a
felon, email them asking if you can spend time with them. Make sure they respond via email, so you’ll
have a written record.
You do not need to come out and make your
past public. You
need a canned response if things do come up.
If you are fortunate enough to be offered
parole or probation, you should take it. The terms of your release are
different in every circumstance, but look something like:
1. Maintain
a stable job
2. Have
no contact with law enforcement
3. Do
not hang out with felons
4. Don't
leave the county or state without permission
5. Submit
to drug testing
6. No
warrant needed to search you
You must follow all rules of your
probation. If you have any questions, just email your PO using your smart
phone. Early release may sound painful, but it is really giving you a
head start on the rest of your life. Be thankful you aren't behind bars,
and make sure to be polite and extra well-mannered to your PO. You want
them on your side!
If you have gang tattoos, get them removed Immediately.
Many tattoo shops have apprentices. If they do, they may be able to do
black out tattoos over your offensive ones at little to no cost.
You may want to ask to go to a halfway
house in a different part of the state to avoid the gang you were a part of. This cannot be overstated. If you go back to the same
crowd after your release, you will end up back behind bars. Do not make
the mistake of thinking you can outsmart the system. You cannot. Do
not try to.
Abstain from all forms of drugs and alcohol. Only smoke cigarettes if you feel the
need. People generally don’t get
assaulted over a pack of cigarettes.
Your past actions have proven that you can have impaired judgement, and you
don’t need drugs or alcohol making things worse for you.
You want to stay away from anyone who
drinks or uses drugs in your presence.
This is especially true for individuals with a history of substance
abuse, and people with mental illnesses.
A reformed addict relapsing can lose everything overnight, especially if
they are drug tested at work.
Furthermore, people with mental health
concerns can have acute episodes triggered by intoxicants.
If you have a history of substance abuse,
I recommend visiting:
1. Narcotics
anonymous.
2. Alcoholics
anonymous.
These 12 step programs have been proven to
work.
Homeless shelters and half
way homes work at first. If you
want to further your education, which will be covered in a later section, see
if you can stay with a family member and take classes while living with them. I highly recommend doing so. Be prepared to pay some sort of reduced rent.
Gmail is your friend, and its free. At first, you will have trust issues. Getting over this is simple. Create a Gmail account and use your smart
phone to email people. You will create a
paper trail this way. Get with your
lawyer on Gmail for questions you may have.
If you are on parole/probation, your PO may have email too. Ask if you can email them questions. It is important to stay on their good side. Your professional demeanor will help you
succeed.
Cars can be difficult. If you had a
car when you got arrested, do everything in your power to keep it. It may
get impounded. If it does, try to get someone to pick it up for you and
hold it for you. Unless you are in Manhattan, it is much easier to find a
job if you have a reliable car.
If you do need to buy a car, don't finance it. Save up and buy a cheap $2000-$3000 Honda or Toyota and have it checked out by a mechanic before you buy it. It should last until you are on your feet.
If you don't have access to a car, try
and get to a residence where you can use a bus pass. These are inexpensive and buses are
reliable. If that doesn't work, consider
walking to work. As a last resort, ride
a bike. The reason a bike is a last
resort is you'll be sweaty when you get to work. Bosses don't like this. If there is a shower or gym near your work,
that changes things.
If you want to live with family, that is a
choice. If you are a felon, you aren’t
allowed to be around weapons. If you are
a sex offender, you aren’t allowed to be around kids. To be frank, especially while you are on
supervised release, unless the other party is totally OK with you being a
custom fit, it is best you do your own thing.
If you do choose to live with someone, use your Gmail account to make
sure they understand your restrictions in writing.
If you find yourself in a halfway home, stay as long as you feel welcome and save up cash. Once you
have done that, your next step is to get a cheap one bedroom
apartment on your own. Don't try and get a roommate unless you know them
well, and they don't have a record. Many apartment complexes don't allow
tenants with criminal records. The good news is you can filter for this
rapidly. Simply generate a pre-canned introduction, go on craigslist, and
email every ad that interests you with your intro using your Gmail account.
Within 72 hours, you'll know exactly where to look!
Although
it may seem counterintuitive, if you continue renting a cheap one bedroom apartment, you should have no trouble building
up some cash reserves.
With
your savings, strongly consider buying a one or two bedroom
condo in an area that is desirable to you. If it's a cheap condo, it
should have roughly the same monthly payment as your apartment. The great
part is, sex offender constraints aside, you won't be denied the ability to own
a condo like you have been when renting an apartment.
You
can browse realtors and condos online through your phone. Try out the
Zillow app as an example.
Getting
a mortgage can be tricky. As long as you have
two years of steady work experience and rental history, with no new credit
blemishes, you should be ok. Churchill Mortgage is a mortgage broker that
specializes in these sorts of things. Look them up online and see what
they can do for you.
If
your credit is keeping you from moving forward, I recommend a Dave Ramsey
course. It's recommended for everyone, but especially those with poor
credit.
Education makes a big difference in
people's lives. If you have started or
completed additional education, put this on your resume/cover letter.
Assuming you are locked up, if the jail or
prison you are in offers jobs or higher education, it is strongly recommended
you take advantage of these activities.
Start small. GEDs are often
offered in jail / prison. Doing so will
look good when trying to gain an early release and will enable you to get a leg
up on finding a job when you do get out.
Depending
on your offense, you may not be able to get a student loan. Fear not, you
can usually pay for community college or trade schools while working.
Remember to put your new career and studies first. This means if you can
afford to not work overtime you should consider it. Do not take summers
off and be sure you earn your degree. Full degrees are a steppingstone to
greatness.
For trade schools, ask to speak with their
career services and explain your situation.
Emphasize that your past is very much in the past. Ask about career opportunities. Find two or three things that interest you.
Go online to make sure you can perform the
job legally. Many states restrict the
jobs you can perform.
For college / grad school, start at a
community college. Make sure you get an associate’s degree. The
credits are much more likely to transfer if you have an associate’s
degree. After your first semester, start
applying for scholarships. You may be
surprised at how much money you get.
Stay at local low cost
state colleges, especially for undergrad.
Master’s degrees can be tricky. Generally speaking, lawyers
and doctors can’t have records. PhDs
can, but have their options severely cut back if they are on a research track. IT and business masters are good options.
If you aren’t sure about this, email your
attorney and the director of the program you are in. You can start by asking if they do a
background check to enter the program.
Be tactful.
If you pursue an advanced degree, you are
sort of in no mans land. It’s so rare to have people with a criminal
record come this far, that the people hiring you won’t have an established
process. Just be patient and open with
them. Keep the faith.
A faithful
(right-minded) man will abound with blessings, But he
who hurries to be rich will not go unpunished. - Proverbs 28:20
If you are a felon just getting out of a
jail or prison sentence of a year or more, do not be picky when looking for a job. Take the first HONEST FULLTIME job that you
can find and stay for a year before looking for new work. You have been out of the mainstream workforce
for a year or more and are not in a position to
negotiate. The best thing you can do is
find a stable job and work it with consistency and diligence.
Prove to others you are reliable and can
hold down a full time gig. After a year, you will be in a much better
situation to find gainful employment.
This may be painful. Focus on
things you can enjoy, such as listening to music on Spotify for free on your
smart phone or going for a walk.
Your main obstacle to employment is that
employers don't trust you. The second
obstacle to employment is that employers can't insure you. You can't do anything about the
second. If you used to work in an industry that is off limits, be aware
of this. Success is possible. It
is time to change industries.
The best recipe for building trust is to
use your network. If a trusted friend who knows you well either from your
life before your record, or from Church, and is willing to vouch for you,
use this person to find employment.
One of the best options is to send your
resume throughout your network or mail a few note cards with your info on them
to people. It just depends on which camp you are in. Networking is key during your job search.
Let everyone you know that you are looking for a job. Let people know you are a 'custom fit', but don't go into the details unless you really know the person well.
The best course is to tell HR about your
situation up front, if there is an HR person in the company. Don't start off with your bombshell,
but do mention it during the first conversation. Try to get your story in writing with the
full scoop of how you have turned your life around. Be sure to include any support groups,
education, getting off probation or parole, and that you have excellent
references.
Honest Jobs is a great website to look
for jobs where having a criminal record is considered acceptable. It is
recommended you create an account and see if you can find something that suits
you. Also look on indeed.com and
monster.com.
It never hurts to have a LinkedIn,
professional Facebook, account. Be sure
to use a conservative photo and post only what you want the whole world to see. Network like a mad man.
Do not try get rich stock schemes or
novel business ideas. Keeping it simple means you will be able to successfully integrate back
into society as a respectable citizen.
Most blue collar
jobs allow people with criminal records. Good places to start are
landscaping and tire on shops. Ask around and see what type of work you
can come up with. You may be surprised at your results.
Remember
that any job during supervised release is a steppingstone to something
better. As soon as you get off supervision, you should be able to find a
much better job.
To get any job, you must go through an
interview. Regardless of what kind of
job you are interviewing for, wear a conservative suit. The best place to
find a suit is your local thrift shop, such as Goodwill. You should be
able to find a suit for under $100. If you don't know how to tie a tie,
search YouTube.
If you don’t have a GED or high school
diploma, get one now. Make that a priority. Work odd jobs in the interim.
You have two options when addressing your
record. Be upfront with HR or tell the
hiring manager directly. It is suggested
that you be upfront with your issue with HR at the beginning of the process. It is reasonable to assume that recruiters
will ask your references about your record.
Prep your references for this and make sure they will go to bat for
you. You may want to include your pastor
as an extra reference.
Alternatively, you can tell your potential
boss during an in-person interview. They
may flat out reject you. It’s totally
hit or miss. My suggestion is to speak
with HR and use your instincts.
The higher up the food chain you are, the
less likely you are to offend by being upfront.
Keep things private unless you are ready
to retire. I am a felon, but I don’t
share my story publicly because I am afraid it might cause my employer to lose
customers. For that reason, I’m
anonymously creating this book. Don’t
try and buck the system. You are not
special. There is much stigma attached
to your past. Understand this.
If you don't have a printer, you can use
the printers at the UPS store and FedEx store for a fee. Some FedEx
stores are open 24/7.
Your free Gmail account comes with a free
subscription to Google docs. You can
access this free service at http://docs.google.com . You can use this terrific service to write
your resume. It won't be the prettiest
thing, but it will more than suffice. You
will need a desktop or laptop computer to use Google docs. If you don't have a computer, I suggest using
one for free at your local library. If
you don't know how to use a computer, as may be the case if you are getting out
of an extended prison sentence, you can take computer literacy courses at your
local library too. Resume template apps
are available for free on your smart phone too.
They are worth trying too.
If your record is the result of a mental
illness, be upfront about it. Some
people will think you will relapse, but many more people will think you should
be given a second chance. There are
still consequences, but knowing you were not of sound mind makes things easier. If you are suffering from a mental illness, it’s
important that you get help from a physician.
You may not like the meds, but they are far better than the illness
itself.
I strongly recommend taking Dave Ramsey’s
personal finance course called Financial Peace University. It is $11/month and may even be offered
through your local church. If you are
under 30, you have a reasonable shot at retiring a millionaire. His program will show you how.
Now that your life is back on track, you
may want to make some amends. Wait until
you’ve been out of jail or prison for a year.
If there is a restraining order of any kind in play, do not reach out. If the person you want to contact is
restricted due to being a felon and you are on early release, wait until after
you are off supervision.
Reach out via email. Have a brief introduction and own your past.
Admit that you messed up. Take full responsibility for your actions. Say you are sorry. Talk about how you have taken steps towards
living a righteous life. Talk about how
you’ve strengthened your faith and stayed free of any new charges.
If on early release, mention that you follow
the requirements. Mention that you are clean
and sober. Mention that you have a full time job. If you
now own a car, mention that too. See if
they’d like to do coffee and catch up. Ask
them to write back. Good luck.
Godly Relationships
If you learn nothing else from this
chapter, remember that if you keep doing the same thing, you will keep getting
the same results. We teach people how to
treat us. If we allow misbehavior, it
will only grow. This is probably the
second biggest take away from this chapter.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not
envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is
not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love
does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects,
always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. - 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
Love never fails. But where there are
prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled;
where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
The reality is, if you've experienced jail
or prison, you've spent some time with some really messed up people. Most of the people in the system have no
desire to better themselves. They're
looking for their next con or fix when they get out.
They have sided with the devil. And the devil wishes to steal, kill, and
destroy your life in every way he possibly can.
He is relentless. Fear not, by
being a tithing Christian, the devil can't touch you. Isn’t that great?
You may be in a situation where you don't
rightly know what healthy relationships look like. Figuring that out is beyond the scope of this
book. Fear not, many resources are
available. Seek out a counselor at your
church and see where that leads.
The book Boundaries helps you
understand what upright relationships look like. Another good read is Codependent No More. If you are in a relationship with someone who
has substance abuse issues, Codependent No More is a must read.
With few exceptions, you probably want to steer clear of most of the people you associated with prior to your conviction. Also, the characteristics of your inner circle will mold you into the future you want to become. Be mindful of this.
"He
who blesses his neighbor with a loud voice early in the morning, It will be counted as a curse to him [for it will either be
annoying or his purpose will be suspect]. A constant dripping on a day of
steady rain And a contentious (quarrelsome) woman are
alike; Whoever attempts to restrain her [criticism] might as well try to stop
the wind, And grasps oil with his right hand. As iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens [and influences] another [through
discussion]. He who tends the fig tree will eat its fruit, And
he who faithfully protects and cares for his master will be honored." -
Proverbs 27:14-18
If
someone in your inner circle tries to get you to do something either unethical
or illegal, completely cut this person off.
You need to have a ZERO tolerance policy for riff raff. You are not in jail anymore and can choose
who you associate with. These sorts of
people will only drag you down and get you in trouble again.
Unless
you were married or engaged before your conviction, it's probably best that you
remain single for a year when getting out. A lot has changed in your
life. Most likely, the type of spouse you would like to have is not interested in you in your current state. Fear
not, things will change for the better.
When
you do start dating again, do not visit bars or nightclubs. These places
will not have the types of people you are looking to meet.
Unless
you made the paper, do not bring up the conviction until your relationship is
exclusive. This gives you time to prove that you are an upstanding
citizen. If you did make the paper, let your potential spouse bring it
up, unless it's exclusive and then you should bring it up on your own.
Unless convicted of drug trafficking, you
CAN get a passport. You will need to be
off parole and probation to leave the country, in most cases the state. If you are a sex offender, speak with law
enforcement. These steps should be
second nature.
If
you are traveling abroad, contact the embassy of the country you wish to
visit. Be for warned, many countries do not know their own laws. If
that is the response you get, do not travel to these countries unless you are
willing to be rejected at customs and turn around to board the next flight
back.
Once
in the new country, you will want to be sure that you do not rock the boat. Follow all laws. If you get in trouble
abroad, it's nearly impossible to get a bond.
You will be a prisoner in a place you do not understand. You will be sent back to the US after your
sentence is over, and you may be unable to ever return. Don't take the
risk. Be a law-abiding citizen, just like you are in the states.
It may not be purely Christian, but there
is no disputing this powerful principle.
You become what you think about.
If you think of yourself as a magnet, the law of attraction states you
will attract like things to you. The law
of attraction pulled you into jail with likeminded people. It's worth noting that it's not 100÷. The Jews didn't attract the Holocaust for
example. If you act the part of an
upstanding man or woman, and think that way, you are going to be surprised who
you run into and what kind of opportunities come your way.
Mentors
can be hard to find. When you find one, be thankful.
Put
spiritual mentors first. They should be
strong in the faith, someone you look up to, and see you for more than your
record.
Your professional mentors should be
a few years ahead of you professionally. Their education should be equal
to or better than you. You should be able to look up to them. Don't
be afraid to ask for help. Especially early on in your newfound career,
you'll need it. Just like your personal connections, your spiritual and professional
connections are important too.
If
you have a trade or skills you can use on your own, I highly recommend starting
your own business. Being self employed, no one
will check your record unless you must apply for a business license. Even
then your chances are pretty good. Excellent examples are plumbers,
electricians, landscaping services, and more. If you can get your own
business up and running, you should be good to go.
You may need a business license to be self employed. Depending on the state you are in, you may not have any trouble getting a business license. For example, in Colorado a felony alone cannot be used to prevent you from getting a business license. In other states, you may have slim pickings. If you are unsupervised, you may want to consider moving to a new state to take advantage of the prospects for you there. If you decide to do so, it is highly recommended that you find some sort of new job in your new state before moving. Moving without a job can be a recipe for disaster.
You
may be one of the fortunate few who can have your case erased from public
record. If this is the case, you should
do this. Generally
speaking, you will need to have 5-10 years of clean living before you
qualify for expungement. All of this can
be looked up online quite easily. If you
made the paper, you should tell people you were arrested but not convicted. State that you don't like to talk about that
experience. Most people should
understand this.
Understand
that some countries do not honor the expungement. For this reason, always report everything
when traveling abroad.
In
some ways, having a record makes you a second class
citizen. It is suggested you focus on
the things you can do:
1. Worship as you see fit in your own way
2. Travel America
3. Go to sporting events
4. Spend time with your family
5. Cook meals
6. Spend time in the great outdoors
7. Go camping
8. Go fishing
9. Go hiking
10. Go to the gym
11. Watch any TV station you want
12. Eat any food you want
13. Read any book you want
14. Go see a movie
15. Sleep in on weekends
16. Write a book
17. Play an instrument
18. Ride a bike
19. Go for a drive
20. Play a board/video game
21. Enjoy romance with your spouse
22. Visit a national park
23. Paint a portrait
24. Drive a classic car
25. Go to a salon
26. Get a massage
27. Go to a buffet
28. Adopt a rescue pet
Living
a richly rewarding life is possible.
Focus on what you can you control.
Surround yourself with good friends, family, and faith. Be sure to live below your means and invest
for your future. Live a conservative
lifestyle. God has much in store for
you.
If
you follow this book as a guide, you are going to be amazed at what
happens. More than one person has walked
this road before you. Most people are
happy to help someone who is working on one of God's worthy causes.
If
your family member is up against charges, try to get them to take a plea. Going to trial is usually a mess. Pleas do not take
long. If they maintain their innocence,
fight like tooth and nail and move for a speedy trial. The systems designed to move slowly, but you
can force its hand. Read the rest of
this book and be as encouraging as you can be.
Do not tolerate mediocre behavior.
Do not be an enabler. Do not make
excuses for them. Do not try and be
super chummy with their lawyer. Do
consider offering them a room to rent if it makes sense.
The Bible
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People
The Eighth Habit
The Richest Man in Babylon
Codependent No More
Financial Peace (although most Dave
Ramsey books teach the same things)
The Legacy Journey
Beyond Bars
Jails to Jobs
Jobs for Felons (free book on http://felon-jobs.com/)
The Ultimate Jim Rohn Library
Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life
Wayne Dyer's Ultimate Library
You can get most of these books at your
local library. I suggest you buy them used on Amazon.com. Doing so
will allow you to contribute to your personal library. You should be able to get most of them for
under $10 including shipping.